I've got bugs in my bed...

I'm reminded of the Pearl Jam song...umm, I can't remember which one...but it has that lyric in it. Does anyone know what it's called?

Anywho - got to NYC (well, more spesifically, the JC), and not only do I have an army of friends greeting my arrival (as well as Andrew's arrival and Clarali's goodbye), but bedbugs as well! Yup, that's right, the old apt is infested with bed bugs. All I got to say is that I am kinda happy I don't live there at the moment.

India 1 (by default)
JC 0

But it's not that bad! (*Insert insane amount of laughter at the irony of that comment here if you are anyone that works for @us or has heard triz say that line in trying to convince you to move to the JC).

In other news - travel has been good...
New Delhi - Chicago
Chicago - SF
SF - Chicago
Chicago - NY

I've noticed a couple things:
-NY is not colorful unless you're in Times Square
-My taste buds are fried, and I have to spice everything up
-I say "food" and "no no no" with an Indian accent sometimes (this one is particularily hilarious when I'm talking to the dude from Bombay that I get coffee from every morning - he laughs at me)
-I'm thinking all skatter-brained-ish and it's working...and I'm confusing the hell out of people
-Putting a weekend of events together is getting to become a piece of cake - but one that takes too much time to bake.

In short, I'm actually looking forward to getting back to India. Of course, there are a few more reasons, more personal, like the boy I adore, the kick-ass roommates, the adorable puppy, and the new apartment...so many reasons...it leaves me wondering: when did my life start in India? how did I miss it?

Go west, paradise is there...

San Andreas Fault, by Natalie Merchant

Oooo...ooo

Go west, paradise is there, you'll have all that you can eat, milk and honey over there.
You'll be the brightest star the world has ever seen, sun bathed slender, heroine of film and magazine.

Go west, paradise is there, you'll have all that you can eat, milk and honey over there.
You'll be the brightest light the world has ever seen, the dizzy high of the jet set life you could never dream.

Your pale blue eyes, strawberry hair, lips so sweet, skin so fair.
Your future bright, beyond compare.
Its rags to riches over there.

Ooo...ooo.

San Andreas fault moved its fingers through the ground, earth divied place called life, such an aweful sound.
San Andres fault moved its fingers through the ground, tattered, shattered, and the walls came crumbling down.

O promised land, o wicked ground, build a dream, tear it down.
O promised land, what a wicked ground, build a dream, watch it all fall down.

Ooo...ooo.

**************

This song parallels the book I am currently reading: confessions of an economic hitman by John Perkins.

I am so jaded...

is true progress ever possible?

**************

I read an article on the way to San Francisco yesterday...or a series of articles on the human brain in an old Time Magazine.

It got me to thinking: are our emotions nothing more than electrical currents running through specific points in our brain? Are we nothing more than complex computers? If the "I" I refer to as me is no longer thought of as my heart or my brain or my soul (it doesn't matter what you call it..."I" has been symbolized as different things throughout history), what am I? Am I those electrical currents?

If that's all I am...why care? why try? what makes us think that certain electrical currents (take, compassion, for instance) are better than others (take, hate, for example). they both happen pretty close to each other, as I caught it...how can they be so different? How can we judge the difference between one current and the next?

****************

Then I start to think: people that we think are less or more than us...do their brains function in the same way? How will we measure progress in the future? By how many currents or connections you have in your brain? What about people in developing countries? Don't they experience emotions in the same spots we do? If so, then what makes them so different? are the currents what "make people, people"? Is that how we can relate across cultures, languages, demographics, socio-economic backgrounds? Is this what connects us on a deeper level?

If this is the case, why do we see the west as the place to go? the place to be? the place of progress? Isn't progress subjective? maybe - in some ways yes, in some ways no. And it depends on your priorities.

I'm in a New York State of Mind

What have I been fantasizing about as of late?

Right at the top of the list is having a coffee from the guy on 26th and 6th, on a grey day, just after getting off the path from Triz and Clarali's apartment, and heading in to the office to do a days work.

Its a feeling I can't get out of my soul...one I can't shake.

Sunday is the day of awesomeness, and I can't wait to have a few beers on the roofdeck, check out the statue of liberty, see amando's finished apartment, greet the cockroaches, and crash on the white couch...i can't freaking wait!

If the whole world could love like we did, what a place it would be...

Some line from some new song I just heard, being back in the states.

And I think its total crap...but my argument isn't completely solid yet, so bear with me.

How can you expect another person's emotions to be the same as yours, or that the way that you feel and experience love will translate to the rest of the world. I know people always used to tell me a version of this line when I was younger, and I believed it. But now I don't. People experience love and every other emotion in such different ways. And how can we (here in the US) be so arrogant and think that if the rest of the world felt or was the way we are, then it would be a better place. That's just as close minded as the close minded-ness we're seemingly trying to eradicate.

What crap.

I am displaced...

Displaced, by Azure Ray

"Its just a simple line, I can still hear it, all of the time. If I could just hold on tonight, I know that nothing, nothing survives, nothing survives.

I think I'm turned around, I'm looking up, not looking down. And when I'm standing still, watching you run, watching you fall, fall into me...

Am I making something worthwhile? I am displaced
Am I making something worthwhile? Out of this chase

I am displaced. I am displaced.

And she's my friend, all friends. She's still here. Everyone's gone. She doesn't have to say a thing, we'll just keep laughing, all night long, all night long.

Am I making something worthwhile? I am displaced.
Am I making something worthwhile? Out of this chase?

I am displaced. I am displaced.

Its just a simple line. I can still hear it all of the time. If I can just hold on tonight. I know that no one, no one survives, no one survives."

3 days to feel un-displaced...I hope!

second hand news

don't get your news from a second-hand source. i learned the hard way. the new french prez is not a woman. Sarcozy, or however you spell that idiot's name, won. old. white. guy.

consider this a retraction for my last post.

will the world ever change?

One down, one up, the balance sheet shows no gain, no loss

Recently, 2 interesting things have happened:

1. BP president stepped down because he had an affair with another man. This dude has a family, a wife, kids, the equivalent of the picket fence and then some in the UK. I personally think it kind of sucks that this dude has to step down on account of his sexual past, because, from what I know, BP was on the more moral side (if there would be one) of the oil companies. At least in their PR - and that's more than what other companies are even attempting to do...but, it took a gay man leading this company to get it to step out and be different from the norm. Funny how when you have experiences like that when you're younger...I bet it didn't seem so hard for him to make his company into something a bit different, to stand alone.

2. New French Prez is a WOMAN!! all I can say is FUCK YEA BABY!!! Bon Chance a elle! I hope France and the US can decide to get along...they're like my mom and sister...so much alike in some ways, that its makes it difficult to make peace.

Which brings me to the conclusion that the world is moving forward. Bigotry be gone! There is no space any more for hatred or intolerance. I don't think it would be appropraite to say that people are looking beyond themselves and trying to understand others. I would say the opposite. That people aren't looking at each other at all any more...they are connecting in spaces that are free of race, religion, caste or color. And that's bringing subtle changes in the rules of the game.

I see it a bit like this: Traditionally, you have a bunch of x type of players who leave (e-x) out of their group (where e is everyone in this game). They set up the rules, make their billions or trillions, and set up a system that we thrive in, that we run like hampsters on a wheel in. Then, one of the x group thinks that someone in the e-x group is better than someone in the x group. More intelligent, more connected, it doesn't matter. this person from the e-x group moves to the x group, and we get women presidents and gay men running corporations. This happens, becuase the x group is motivated only by more profits and increasing their power. They will use anyone and any means necessary to get more of either. Of course, these are all assumptions.

Now, what happens when the person from e-x who moves to x gets there, I don't know. I haven't seen too many examples: Margaret Thatcher, women CEOs, the new prez of france. And gay men have a ways to go. Not that they haven't been around as long as women, but they haven't had the opportunity to come out and, at the same time, be powerful. I'd be interested to hear more about other examples, or what other ppl think...

This is how I know my life is getting serious...

...these guys just prove that I'm becoming old...

6 days and counting to when I'll feel even older...but I can't wait to be a Madisonian again!

Cultural differences...

Here's what I've noticed so far, living on 3 different continents:

Mobile phone usage:
1. In the US, people leave voice mails, and expect to be called back with answers, etc.
2. In Europe, everyone SMS's (text's) each other, because calling is damn expensive
3. In India, everyone SMS's and calls each other, but there is no regular voice mail service. If you get a missed call, even from a number you don't know, they expect you to call them back. Another different thing is that people will answer and then hang up on you if they're in a meeting...or they'll say, even before you say hello: "betsy, I'm in a meeting, I'll call you back" or if I'm calling someone who doesn't have my number, they'll answer and say "I'm in a meeting, I'll call you back." The first time that happened to me, I cringed and apologized profusely, thinking that it was my fault for calling during a meeting...but they didn't have to pick up the phone...strange! And people will pick up their phones even if you're in the middle of a sentance, with no warning! Wierd!

I admit, not having voice mail has been a bit strange getting used to. And getting missed calls at 3am from alumni in the states has been pretty crazy, too. But it's such an interesting difference, and I think it speaks a lot about Indian culture...but what exactly, I can't quite put my finger on yet.

Getting things done:
1. in the US if someone asks you to do something, you tell them yes if you can, no if you can't, and give them a date when it will be done by. if that date needs to change, you tell them as soon as you know, so they are up to date, and there are no suprises.
2. in France, things are a bit more formal...but I'm not too up on the working culture.
3. in India, if I ask someone to do something, they would always tell me no, it can't be done, then I have to beg and plead with them to get them to say that it might be possible, and then hover over them until I the thing I want done is done. Its way fucking easier just to do it myself. No coordination problems, and I can make sure it is done on time. Oh, and that's another thing. Timelines are never to be followed here. And hence, targets never reached. Fucking rediculous sometimes.

Take for instance, the problem with my laptop. It recently went kaput. I called the IT person at the office I work in. He said it was not possible to fix, but he would look at it (ahh, a glimmer of hope). So I brought in my laptop on monday for him to look at. He said all of the data would be lost and that I had to reload windows. ok. fucking sucks, but I have most everythign backed up, so no biggie, right? wrong! he re-loaded windows (after a day of begging and looking at a blank computer screen). but didn't load on any of the programs from before...even basic ones, like microsoft office. so, since then, I've taken 2 two hour car rides to get my computer fixed, but even then, they wonderful people at the fucking toshiba service center didn't give me the key code for the TRIAL version of microsoft office that THEY installed on MY computer. so I called them today...know what they said? 'oh no ma'am, we didn't install that' HUH mother fucker? Right...like I somehow magically installed microsoft office on my fucking computer while you had it in your back room and the technicians were working on it. jesu cri. so, today I've spent the morning trying to get a key code for this trial verson, but to no avail. so, I looked up free trial versons of microsoft that I could download, and low and behold, there's one for microsoft 2007! whoopie! goes my racing mind...an end to my troubles! i'll be able to acceess all of my files on my external hd now! yay! so, I begin the download...but then the tech guy comes in, walks up to my computer, and ACTUALLY STOPPS THE DOWNLOAD!!! MOTHER FUCKER! I now hate this guy, microsoft, and any and all IT devices with a passion.

side note: I'd imagine this is what terrorists feel like...this hate that I have stems from my complete lack of knowledge in the IT sphere of things...just like "they" don't know anything about "us" or vice versa. But I digress...

on with the story...so, then I yell at him, with this high pitched voice that I didn't even know I had. literally yell at him. one of the girls that shares an office with me just looked at me with this look of pain on her face, like "oh shit, what's going to happen next..." so then I calmed down. no use in scaring the kiddies. So, then they get this "brilliant" idea of trying to install a different kind of software on my computer: open office.org or something of the sort. And that's where I am right now...I wont' be able to open my old files, I'll have to save these files in a different format and keep this operating software on my computer so I can open them at a later date. jesus. when do the complications end??? So, instead of doing this the "brilliant" way, I'm going to go back to my house, in the middle of the freaking day, where there is NO AIR CONDITIONING, and download the trial version of microsoft 2007.

This just exemplifies that if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself...or you have to give spesific instructions that ARE NOT TO BE DEVIATED FROM. This has been VERY difficult for me to get used to.

And the worst part about it all? I have a board meeting and a very important dinner on Friday night that I have to make 3 presentations for, a packet with annexes and graphs and budget breakdowns, and many other things for...and now I only have a day and a half to do that.

One good thing has come out of this: an IDEA!! An idea to train Indians in the IT sector on how to give world-class service. A couple of trainees and I could start it up...I live with 2 other REALLY frusturated, open-minded, motivated girls that are business-oriented. We could kick ass at this!

Any other trainees out there have stories like this? Are other cultures like this? SOme days I want to hug every Indian person I see...other days, I want to poke my eyes out with forks (thanks chrispy for that one!)