I didn't decide, I just knew I had to

So, it's been decided...I will be joining some great friends and partaking in the festivities they call the Mifflin street block party this weekend. And I am UBER excited!

But let me step back for a second. The reason isn't because I need to party more (quite the opposite is probably true), but the reason is far more personal. This week, after intense conversations, forum posts, and all the other stuff, I got one of the most heart wrenching e-mails of my life...the words of the sender were seeping with defeat, loss, pain. It was such an immensely sad marriage of feeling and words that I couldn't help but cry. What killed me the most were phrases like: "a few structural changes, a bunch of face changes, and I feel like an outsider" and "I feel like the AIESEC I loved is now gone" and "I still see a passion, but not those minds that I really believe can blow things out of the water."

What has happened to make so many of us feel like this? But more importantly, why does the sender feel so helpless, so alone? And why do they feel as if their voice doesn't matter?

With tears streaming down my face, my heart beating out of my chest, and my resolve becoming as firm as cement, I pulled out the ole platinum card that seems to be saving my life lately, and booked a flight to my not so old stomping grounds...

Dude, this weekend is going to rock. The most important thing is to realize that you can make a difference, I don't care how long you were "out of the game." The way I see it, where you were spending your time puts you in a position to now be an even more important driving force, makes you opinion even more valid.

Dude, this weekend is going to rock. You have inspired me so many times when I've felt low, and like giving up...this is all about my sending that inspirational feeling back your way.

Shisha, MGD and a lot of grandness will transpire, I can feel it in my bones!

The internet, The vadican, The organization

Last night, I really freaked myself out. I couldn't sleep, it was about 1:30am, and I needed something to do: hello new computer!! The internet became a great way to pass the time of the usually unnoticed morning hours. I recently decided that I'd like to start singing again, so I started looking up choirs that I could get involved with in the NJ/NY area. The internets were very helpful...well, maybe too helpful...

At about 2am, thanks to the nature of choral music (usually only performed in churches...eek), I found myself sharing some quality time with the vadican website. For me, religion has always been a really touchy subject. I was raised as a roman catholic, sent to catholic schools for my entire school career up until college, and ended up resenting everything I ever learned about it. Ironic? who knows...all I know is that if the church continues to impact people in the current (or at least 5 yrs ago) way, they will make themselves extinct...look at Europe!

But back to the subject (whatever that is)...
Yea, me staring at a crazy german guy with rings and a large hat that makes him look like an alien from the movie "coneheads" (yea, I was little when it came out, give me a break). I started to weave my way thru some past pope's bios, the cathecism (can anyone spell that word?), the vadican's "secret" archives (right...like they have any secrets posted on the internet), and various other things.

3am rolled around, and my interest really started to creep me out. I'm the type of person to write off any and all organized religion. I think that if you need someone to think for you, you don't deserve to know. Period. So my interest in this was astounding me.

In a sudden burst of self-awareness, I closed my computer...leaving the pope to his things, and me to mine.

Then I realized something: In theory, all these people want to do is to make the world a better place. In theory, that's what I'm trying to do as well. In my short time here, working for AIESEC has taught me that it is a lot harder than you think to keep even yourself in line with the mission of an organization. We need constant inspiration.

Another thought: There is wisdom in age, but there is wisdom in innocence as well. Just because someone/something is older doesn't necessarily mean they are wiser. Age can corrupt and innocence can be nieve.

How do we keep ourselves in check? Be uncomprimising? But then you can't allow for change for the better...But if you change too much, you loose the essence of the organization...of yourself...

I'm sure that no pope was ever a perfect person...hell, they've cannonized popes that stole money, or caused wars. But I'm sure that each pope justified his actions by saying that it was for the good of the church.

Man, I'd hate to be a part of an organization like that...saying that the ends justify the means...WAIT...am I?

Pieces of Home

I got a package from my mother in the mail last week...it was really nice to finally get the rest of my clothes here. But what did I do with them? Took them back to a friends place on my way home, had a beer or two, smoked some shisha, and then left them there.

And now, that's where they still are. So I guess, as you can probably infer, that I really don't miss home...but the effort is appreciated!

And just like that, I was excited again

I spent this past Friday night in a town of great importance, having a few beverages of choice with an old friend, and expecting to meet even older ones. I wasn't too happy about the turnout that I wittnessed. Just when I was feeling like I was low on inspiration juice for my current employer, my old friend decided to lay out her poker hand...it was a hand full of aces. And just like that, I as excited again!!! All it took was her passion and dedication to this organization
to re-inspire me.

I have to say, a lot of things have been on my mind as of late...they are: (in no particular order)
1. The age issue
First off, I think that if you want to really offer leadership positions, you have to be dedicated,
not only as an organization, but also as a person, to developing leaders. If this means moving
on after your time is up (or even if you don't think it is) then you damn well should. Here's my
reasoning: if you have leaders that are staying in their positions for more than a set amount of
time, all you get is stagnation. They become less accessable simply because they have been
removed from the others. Sometimes they develop a superiority complex...and then they
become completely unreachable. When they are unreachable, this creates problems with
transparency...which brings me to my next thought:
2. The transparency issue
In this kind of business, in an organization as large as this, you really need to have
transparency. Its key to making the flow of even every-day work happen. For many reasons, like age or pride or intelligence (supposidly) or numbers, block us from being transparent.
The thing that people don't understand is that there is credibility in being transparent. There
is sustainablity in being transparent. There is ownership in being transparent. There is trust
in being transparent. If we can't have that, then we really won't succeed as an organization.
3. The leadership issue
Yes, I think that we do have a leadership issue. I've seen a lot of workers as of late. Maybe I
am one of them. I have not seen a lot of leaders. In fact, I can only name a few off the top of
my head. That's a huge problem for me being a part of an organization that supposidly churn
out leaders. Irony? I find it ironic that taking away leadership opportunities is supposed to
help us as an organization create leaders...that a new process, dedicated to taking this
organization to the next level is failing to develop the next round of leaders it will need to
survive


Overall, things are foggy for me. How will this all turn out? I'm not sure. But after thinking about these issues, and getting some excitement and inspiration from a great friend, I think that things will turn out for the better. It's not up to you, its up to each person in this organization to say to him or herself: It's up to me!!!

So my challenge to you: put some pressure on yourself, dare yourself to try, kick yourself in the ass, take on some real responsibility, instead of asking to be inspired, be the inspiration!

I know I will....